Surprise Bitches, New England’s In It Again

HOOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEE TODAY IS THE DAY.

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And with today being the day, it makes me want to talk some rare, raaaaare shit. But it’s not exactly about today’s game. It’s just about the fact that we are in the Super Bowl. AGAIN. Weird for a washed-up team that only wins on behalf of cheating.

That reminds me

I wrote an article a couple of years ago as part of a New Years resolution to pursue my passion for writing. From there, I used the article to apply for the Patriots beat team at Last Word On Sports and fortunately the article was good enough to earn a spot on the team. I’m not saying that’s hard and that it makes the article good, but I think it gives it some credibility perhaps.

What was that paper about? Deflategate, alongside what an idiot Roger Goodell is and how stupid it was that the NFL tried so hard to make one of their best players and teams look bad.

And look, I’m not even trying to deny my New England bias. Every single writer has bias and I have no desire to hide that here. That’s good because this article is about to be a doozy. Bare with me, my team is in the Super Bowl and I’m about to troll out.

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Because I AM SO SICK of the incessant bitching from everybody about New England only winning because they cheat. Like holy shit, the entire mainstream sports media gets off on hating New England, focusing on cheating and system-QB claims simply because they CANNOT beat them.

Is it REALLY the belief that the Patriots have cheated MORE than any other franchise?

Or is it that they cheated en route to Super Bowl? Because SPARE ME if it’s B. You can find countless organizations that have done extremely questionable things to secure a more successful season. *AHEM Denver* *AHEM MANY OTHERS*

This is me today:

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But I’m not done.

Check out this site: Your Team Cheats. It’s a website that lists massive amounts of cheats by NFL organization. I love it. I think it is great.

Why?

Because A) I think it is literally hilarious that it was created by New England fans and B) I think it is awesome that despite it being from Patriots fans, there’s a lot of truth to be found.

See that? Honesty from a Pats fan… Don’t get used to it.

But come on. If we’re being serious for a second, who the hell else would make a site like that? No shit, guys. New England fans get butthurt over always being called cheaters. I mean, at least I can admit that. But it makes total sense that some Pats fans would make this site. And what is even better is that so many of these cheats can be corroborated by internet searches and proved true.

I talk about this every time I have the energy to talk shit with someone who crosses my path with Patriots hatred. We are always on the receiving end of some bitching about us getting a call or cheating as if everyone doesn’t get a call every once in a while, and as if we didn’t whoop Indy’s ass in that Deflategate playoff game with three rushing TD’s from LeGarrette Blount.

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Hey man, I’m just saying. How are we even supposed to believe ball PSI mattered enough to warrant such a ridiculously laborious investigation when we kiiiiiiIIIICKED YOUR ASS THAT HARD ON THE GROUND?

Oh yes, that’s right. Roger Goodell’s dumbass decided that ball tampering, which can be found throughout the league for decades before Deflategate, should be handled more strictly than athletes who beat women.

Another thing I discuss in that article I wrote is how good Brady actually is in comparison to QB’s. How in the world arguments of Tom Brady not being good still run around is mindblowing to me. The man has five rings, with a great chance to earn a sixth.

PEOPLE OUT HERE WILL REALLY TELL YOU THAT A QB IN THE MODERN NFL WITH FIVE RINGS ISN’T GOOD

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It makes me so mad. How many late game clutch thrillers does it take for people to just shut up and witness greatness? How many superior teams must Tom Brady defeat with average offensive squads?

How many times must New England win games via godly clock management with Tom Brady in the driver’s seat for you to put some respect on his name?!

If I were Tom:

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WHAT MUST THE MAN DO?!

Snag a sixth ring to shut all of you haters up, perhaps.

 

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