Folks, we’re coming up on the first weekend of May which means that it’s time for the Kentucky Derby. Now admittedly I don’t know much about horse racing except to bet a shitload of money on the favorite of the Kentucky Derby because they seemingly always win.
That being said, Horse Names are some of my favorite things. Some horse owners totally hit it out of the park and other ones botch their names like Dave Gettleman botches New York Giants drafts.
If I had a horse I’d name it “Bookie Slayer.” Everyone would bet on that horse and I’d make a killing from it. While there’s nothing as good as “Bookie Slayer” in this years Kentucky Derby, here are the top 5 horse names this year.
This owner who named their horse “Improbable” is literally saying that I don’t have the cojones to bet on their horse. They’re literally trying to alpha me but I won’t allow it. Bet on this horse.
It’s not quite the favorite at 6/1 but it’s up there. Sprinkle a little bit of money on this horse and watch the Improbable become possible.
2. Omaha Beach
Maybe I’m too much of a Peyton Manning fan for my own good but any time I hear the word “Omaha” I get excited and I think of dominance. Adding beach to Omaha is a nice touch because it actually makes Omaha seem like something interesting is taking place there.
This horse is the favorite at 4/1 odds so you should definitely throw some money down on it. I’m thinking 1.8 units in honor of the great Peyton Manning.
3. By My Standards
I love this name because when you say it in a snobby voice you sound like any liberal on an NPR podcast who says that Donald Trump should be disqualified from the presidency and it’s an easy name to rip on.
“By my standards, Trump isn’t presidential enough for me to vote for him. I’d rather vote for a career politician who looks at my wallet like it’s a snack.”-Literally everyone from the state of California.
This horse is set at 20/1 odds so by my standards there’s a zero percent chance I bet on this horse to win the Kentucky Derby.
4. Code of Honor
I love this name because it implies that this horse has ethics. It’s not going to test positive for any banned substances tainting the victory and it’s going to play the game the right way.
That being said, honor doesn’t get you anything in this world. If it did then the Patriots wouldn’t have six Super Bowl championships and Kevin Durant wouldn’t have three rings (I’m just assuming the Warriors win again this year).
Fade this horse.
5. War of Will
Another name that implies that this horse is willing to go out there on the playing field and give it everything it has. It’s going to will its way to victory one way or another.
For this horse, the road may be long as it’s just a 20/1 favorite but you can bet your life on the fact that it knows it’s going into battle. It understands that this is the biggest race of the year, every year.
That’s my kind of horse. A gritty, scrappy underdog who is going to leave it all out there in order to help me win some money.