Thank you Kris Bryant

Let me say it louder for my people in the back. THANK YOUUUUUUU KRIS BRYANT!

So let’s do a little recap: in January, Ryan Dempster (4.35 career ERA with a losing record) interviews Kris Bryant, the overrated third baseman of the Chicago Cubs.

They start playfully bantering about Bryant attending a Nelly concert with Bryce Harper and blah blah blah Nelly was trying to recruit Harper to St. Louis.

I think what happened was Bryant felt like the ugly friend in this scenario. I bet Nelly didn’t even know his name.

Anyways, Bryant and Dumpster immediately start bashing St. Louis and how boring they are and I’m just paraphrasing here but basically saying you couldn’t pay them enough money to come play for the Cardinals.

Neither have had much success playing against the Cardinals so fair enough, I get it. Fast forward to today. Your MLB best St. Louis Cardinals have won 10 out of their last 11 and are going for their third straight sweep.

We could credit Paul Goldschmidt and his Thor-like strength (I saw Avengers: Endgame last night). We could look at Marcel Ozuna’s flaming hot bat which is making us look not AS bad for not getting Yelich instead. Mike Schildt could even get a little bit of credit too.

But I think all of the credit lies with our boy Kris. As an older brother of a collegiate baseball player, there was a turning point when little bro started holding his own. The kid got big, strong, and fast. I got fat, weak, and slow. Aging is a bitch, man.

I’m using this analogy to illustrate the relationship between the Cards and Cubs. We beat their fucking ass all over the place for years and years and years. We couldn’t get enough of it, it was too easy.

We started getting comfortable; we lost interest in what was important: smashing the Cubs. The Cubs saw our complacency and took advantage. They finally won a World Series after 700 years or whatever. It’s our fault, we let it happen.

The worst part? Kris Bryant recorded the final out. You know what that does? It brings entitlement. It makes him part of history. Puts him in the same group as the beloved Adam “Waino” Wainwright.

Fuck Kris Bryant. He doesn’t deserve that. So I think Cardinal fans around the world should thank Kris Bryant for reigniting the flame that is the St. Louis Cardinals, 11 time world champs.

And again, Fuck you Kris Bryant.

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